So we are one of the first sets of parents among our friend group to venture into life with two kiddos...(btw, so exciting that lots of new babies are being born/getting ready to be born/in the planning stages!). One of the questions we get most often: how are things going? This is usually followed by "you guys have it so together! You make it look easy!"
Last night was a rough one. Quinn went to bed well at 7:15, but was up at 11:00 screaming at the top of her lungs. I couldn't tell if she was hurt or scared. She wouldn't let Momma hold her or snuggle with her and didn't want a drink or a stuffed animal. She is working on molars, and I think that is what was bothering her. Since she was screaming so hard, I thought she was saying "milk," but it easily could have been "mouth." Poor girl!! I slept the rest of the night with her in her bed. She was restless and whimpered a lot, but a little Tylenol seemed to help.
Wes, on the other hand...I am at the end of my rope with this baby and his [lack of] sleeping! I feel like we've tried everything to get this little guy to STAY asleep and nothing works! Whenever we have a good night or two, the next three in a row are bound to be hellacious. We're staying firm on not letting him eat at night, but I am starting to question even that. We've done regular swaddling, swaddler blankets, sleeping with a paci, without a paci, sleeping in a crib, bassinet, swing, our bed, floor, a light blanket, quilt, no blanket, lights on, lights off, music on, music off, nursing before bed, bottle before bed, nursing AND bottle before bed, walking, rocking, talking, Momma putting him to bed, Daddy putting him to bed....you get the picture, right??? We had our best night ever a few nights ago, when Randy was in Moline. I fed Wes, then gave him two extra ounces in a bottle, tried unsuccessfully to get him to sleep for about 90 minutes, and finally plopped him in his swing at 11:00 p.m. He swung all night long! He could have woken up, but I didn't hear him. Last night, though, he slept in his crib for about 3 hours, then was up with Randy for the rest of the night. (Husband of the year, right??) I am not opposed at all to letting babies "cry it out," but when I have a little miss with a bad toothache right down the hall who needs her rest...it's a tough call.
In the past three months, I have been challenged more than I have ever been. I have cried myself to sleep at night out of sheer exhaustion, napped on the floor of my office, and convinced myself on multiple occasions that I can't do this. I have crazy high standards for myself, and I do not like to fail. Why can't Wes sleep all night? Is he getting enough to eat? Why can't I lose this baby weight? Is Quinn talking enough? Should she know more letters? Shouldn't she be in preschool? My neighbors' homes look more festive than mine. When will Randy and I ever get some time alone? Is our marriage suffering? Why can't I make this work?
However, I know that I just need to stop and breathe. I am so blessed. I prayed and prayed for Quinn to join our family, and she came along at just the right time. Watching her learn and grow and thrive has been more of a joy than anything I could ever have imagined. I see so much of myself in her, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for this perfect creature.
When we found out I was pregnant with Wesley, I couldn't believe my luck. Some people try for years and years to have children, or want a specific gender, and I am lucky enough to have two babies: a perfect little girl and boy!
So yes, we are very tired. Randy and I both work incredibly hard at our jobs and at home, and it's exhausting. But is every sleepless night worth it? Does every obstacle, difficulty, and hurdle make me a better mother, a more godly wife, and a stronger person?